Special Guest Host Eric Fell, Say Wha?!

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Have you ever read a poorly written novel and thought to yourself, who publishes this crap? Or come across a hilariously out of date self-help book in a thrift store? Perhaps you flipped through Sarah Palin’s/ Justin Beiber’s/ R. Kelly’s etc. autobiography and guffawed at her/his life story. Well, that’s what Say Wha?! is all about.
 
At Say Wha?! engaging and charismatic performers put their comedic spin on the worst writing in print.
 
Hosted by Eric Fell* (Gentleman Hecklers, The Critical Hit Show)
Featuring:
Carla Mah (You’ve seen her kill it at Rapp Battlez and at VTSL’s Rookie League)
Travis Bernhardt (You know his from the Vancouver Fringe, Instant Theatre and MAGIC!)
Caitlin Howden (You love her at The Sunday Service! She’s a Second City alumni)
 
Tuesday, October 20 – TONIGHT!
Cottage Bistro – 4468 Main Street
Sliding scale: Suggested $10 at the door, minimum of $5
Show: 8-10 PM
 
VanCityBuzz:
“At $10 at the door, Say Wha?! is a steal for a great night out.”
 
Georgia Straight:
“But is it real comedy? It most certainly is. People love to laugh and there are many routes to arrive at that destination. Is it traditional? It most certainly is not. It’s not what the average person envisions when they think of comedy. But regular shows would kill for these kinds of laughs.”
 
*Eric Fell is hosting because I double booked myself, but if anyone was to host the show for me, I know Eric Fell is the perfect person for the job. See below:

John Cullen Reads From Call Me Russell

John Cullen is a comedian. Russell Peters is a comedian, albeit a much more famous comedian with an autobiography. Listen to John Cullen’s take on Russell’s book on the latest episode of Say Wha?! The Podcast.

Say Wha Podcast

Say Wha?! The Podcast shares recordings from the comedy show Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing in Vancouver, BC, Canada.

This episode features a reading of “Call Me Russell” by John Cullen.

Listen to the podcast on iTunesRSS feed, or just stream it HERE:

If you enjoyed this podcast be sure to like this post, tweet a link to it, or share it on Facebook.

Back in Vancouver, Say Wha?!

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It’s back! Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing

Funny people reading from terrible books.

Have you ever read a poorly written novel and thought to yourself, who publishes this crap? Or come across a hilariously out of date self-help book in a thrift store? Perhaps you flipped through any celebrity autobiography and guffawed at her/his life story. Well, that’s what Say Wha?! is all about.

FEATURING

Nicole Passmore
Cameron Macleod
Lauren McGibbon
Chip Ellis

Sunday, September 28 | 8-10PM | The Emerald, 555 Gore | Facebook Event Page | TIckets: $10, cash only at the door or in advance

BUZZ

Pick of the week on BlogTO, Torontoist, CBC Radio Toronto- Here and Now, The Courier, WestEnder, Georgia Straight, Scout Magazine – pretty much any media there is has told you to go to this show.

“I like it when the definition of ‘theatre’ gets stretched. That’s what Sara Bynoe’s doing. … I gut laughed the whole evening. So did the rest of the audience. It was a full house. It always is.” – TJ Dawe, The Charlebois Post

“The Say Wha?! series offers an important and perfectly Canadian contribution to the (Vancouver literary) scene: ‘Quit taking yourselves so seriously.'”- Sean Cranbury, Granville Mag

Now in podcast form:
https://sarabynoe.com/category/podcast

 

Say Wha?! The Podcast Episode 29

Say Wha Podcast

Say Wha?! The Podcast shares recordings from the comedy show Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing in Vancouver, BC, Canada.

This episode features Cameron Macleod reading “Cat Daddy.”

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Listen to the podcast on iTunesRSS feed, or just stream it HERE:

If you enjoyed this podcast be sure to like this post, tweet a link to it, or share it on Facebook.

Say Wha?! March RECAP

Here are all the wonderfully horrible books we read from and made fun of at the last Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing show. Next one: Wednesday, April 16 at the Cottage Bistro.

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Robyn Edwards – Deal With This by Lucy Monroe
Stu Popp – God Save The Queen by Kate Loke
Brent Constantine – Life After Beef by Les Inglis
Devon Lougheed – We Don’t Die by George Andersons
Brent Hirose – Sexual Astrology by Martine
Sara Bynoe – How To Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction

Remember you can always enjoy the Say Wha?! show if you listen to the Podcast.

Listen on iTunes,or subscribe to the RSS feed

Fifty Shades of Say Wha?! TONIGHT

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Dakota Johnson as the lip-biting University of Washington graduate who doesn’t own a computer until Christian Grey enters her life, Anastasia Steele

It’s happening. Fifty Shades of Grey is being made into a movie. It’s supposed to start filming on Monday, right here in Vancouver.

Last week I saw a girl on the bus the other way with audition sides. The top page read, INTERIOR – Christian Grey’s Office. My first thought: fuck, this is really happening. My second thought: why didn’t I get an audition?

Tonight I’m having a comedy protest Say Wha?! Readings of Deliciously Rotten Writing show at Hot Art Wet City where I will highlight the horribleness of the Fifty Shades series.

I’ve invited three very talented and funny people to read the most popular sex scenes from the books: poet and dress-wearer Dina Del Bucchia, musical comedian Shirley Gnome, and The Unstoppable drag queen Conni Smudge.

It’s going to be a very fun night. Way more fun than the hours I spend reading that garbage. I READ IT SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

You do not want to miss this show. I will never do it again. Also, Scout Magazine chose it as one of the 10 Things You Should Absolutely Do this week in Vancouver.

Tickets are still* available HERE

Possible standing room available at the door. 2206 Main Street, bring cash.

*I’m scheduling this post at 11:30pm Thursday. Last I checked there were a few tickets left.

Dino Porn “Highlights”

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I have read bestiality twice before at Say Wha?!

The first was Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover – The fictionalized memoir of a man who had sex and a telepathic relationship with a dolphin in the 1970s.

Then I read Bear by Marian Engles which won the Governor General Award in 1976 – as determined by a jury of three prominent Canadian writers three which included Nobel Prize Winner Alice Monro – that is about a woman who goes to the woods and lives on an island to catalogue a weird octagonal house and ends up having sex with a bear, not just once, but multiple times. At one point she pours honey on herself so the bear can lick it off. It’s messed up.

A month ago the Internet exploded with the news of an author named ‘Christie Sims’ self-publishing on Amazon tales of Dinosaur Porn. Many of my friends and fans told me I had to cover this for Say Wha?! and so I did. I’m now going to share some of the highlights with you. You’re welcome.

Note: these precious titles are ONLY available on Kindle. A friend told me that they know someone who works at the Vancouver Public Library and that many people have been coming in asking for these ‘books.’ These people should just start attending my Say Wha?! show.

Taken by the T-Rex 

From Amazon.com

Warning: This is a tale of beast sex. This story was written to unlock your darkest fantasies and innermost desires. It is not for the faint of heart and is not your mother’s erotica. All of the sexual descriptions found in this book are very explicit in nature. It’s not suitable for someone under 18 years of age. Read at your own risk. 

Summary:
Drin is her tribe’s chief huntress; she lives for the thrill of the hunt. Men and sex hold no allure for her, as Drin has never found a partner to satisfy her. When a T-Rex descends upon her village, destroying it, Drin demands that the tribe’s hunters go in search of the beast and slaughter it. Opting for safety instead of revenge, the tribe moves to a new location, hoping that the big beast won’t follow them. 

It does. 

Drin taunts the beast, giving her tribes mates time to flee (SB – typo! – ugh I had such high expectations from Dino Porn for some editing). As she runs, leading it through a gauntlet of traps, the thrill of the hunt soars through her blood, leaving her wet with desire. When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh. 

Words: 5,800 and it cost $2.98.

Don’t ask me why the word count is included. I suppose the author wanted to warn you that you’re about to  spend too much money on a short story. 

Say Wha?! excerpts:

The Tyrannosaurus Rex had to be at least ten feet from head to tail and stood six feet high at the hip. It was partially covered in green plumage, filament-like feathers coating its underbelly and flanks. Drin knew this indicated that it was an adolescent; it would be attempting to mark out its territory, making it violently aggressive. (SB- So not only this this Dino Porn – it’s dino child porn!)

Drin screamed and cried out for the big lizard to let her go or just kill and eat her, either of which would be preferable to being torn apart by its cock. There was no response from the creature save for a gentle lowering of her body toward that massive phallus. (SB- Lowering her with what? His tiny T-rex arms? Just imagine this happening. Try. It’s ridiculous.)

Ravaged by the Raptor

Once she was within close proximity, she ran her hands over the beast to find it similar in touch to a crocodile, which had occasionally graced the evening meal her mother prepared. (SB – Why do we need to know that? She’s fucking a Raptor! Do we care to know about her mother?  Her mother hasn’t even been mentioned in this story yet. This is stupid information probably added to increase the word count.)

Unfortunately, the beast remained uncomfortable and unfamiliar with her anatomy and the cock tore straight through the fabric of her skirt and forced itself into her arse. At this point, she couldn’t hold back a scream. With no lubrication or warning she’d been unprepared for the invasion of her anus. (SB – Jesus.)

The breath on her clit almost brought her to an instant orgasm. It nuzzled against her wet pussy and instinctively she ground against it, smearing her juices on its head. Its broad, thick tongue flicked out and licked her cunt. Her response to the raptor may well have saved her life. (SB – Not only do we get to read this filthy crazy erotica, we’ve learned a lesson about how to save ourselves from raptor attacks).

Dinosaur at the DIg

“Thank goodness for sports bras!” I said to no one in particular, and was startled at how loud and echoing my voice was down in this cavern. (SB – this is my favourite line in all of dino porn)

Basically all the stories I read follow the same formula: A strong, sexy woman is desired by men that are inferior to her and can’t satisfy her needs. She goes out to concur something and runs into a dinosaur. The dinosaur chases her but instead of killing her it gets a massive erection and has its way with her. The strong independent woman, who is very sexy and attractive by traditional standards, is satisfied for the first time in her life. Then the dinosaur eats the terrible men. 

If you’d like to know more about how dinosaurs had sex according to scientists please read the following: 

“It’s possible that sex between two huge dinosaurs lasted only as long as a good sneeze.” About.com  

“A surprising amount of research has been devoted to the subject – and most researchers have concluded that dinosaurs made love like dogs.”Daily Mail

If you think dinosaur erotica is crazy (or interesting) you might be interested in the following titles written by the same author.

Taken by the Pegasus (Beast Mating Erotica)

Repaying with Stripes (Weretiger Erotica)

Mounted by the Gryphon (Gryphon Erotica)

The Orc Chief’s Virgin Tribute (Orc Erotica)

The Pack’s New Mate (Werewolf Shifter Menage Erotica)

Taming the Dragon (Dragon Erotica)

A Ghost’s Comfort (Romantic Paranormal Erotica)

I Made Love to a Teenage Werewolf (Werewolf Shifter Erotica)

Just when I thought I’ll never had to read bestiality for Say Wha?! ever again, my friend Lindsay sent me a link to a book called “Hedging his Bets” which is marketed as BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance. It’s about a man who shape shifts to become –you guessed it – a hedge hog. Say Wha?!

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