I don’t know if it’s the time of year, or the age I’m at but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. Thinking about where am I going, what am I doing and where I want to be. Ya know, life angst.
I know many of you reading this who know me, or are familiar with my ‘work,’ may think that I’m a busy artist who’s doing all the right things. I have perseverance, I get things done, and I’m someone you can rely on to make something happen. This is all great, but it’s only one part of the picture.
There are dozens of projects and ideas I have floating around my brain that I wish I could finish or see come to fruition. Remember Teen Angst: The Musical? How about that novel I started writing during my MA. What about that acting career I trained for at Studio 58. These are all passions I have in my creative mind that I want to materialize.
Nearly two years ago I was in Vernon, BC. It was less than six months after I finished my MA and I was lost. I was visiting my mother who lives there and I hadn’t been in one place longer than three weeks in the six months prior.
One afternoon I went to the bowling alley to play a game and pass the time. I was terrible; ball after ball went into the gutter. Next to me were a team of seniors who were picking up spares and throwing strikes. One lady saw me struggling and approached me. Her name was Elda.
“You have to follow through,” she told me. “See where you want the ball to go, aim for it with your fingers and follow through.”
I picked up a ball and threw it down the lane. After the ball left my hand I kept pointing where I wanted it to go and guess what? All the pins fell down.
“That’s it, honey.” Elda patted my back. “You just need to remember to follow through.”
So, on days like this when I’m feeling the angst bubble up; “Why hasn’t it happened yet? Why am I not where I want to be? Why are my dreams unfulfilled?” I find myself thinking about that time when I had no idea what to do or where to be. I know I’m better off now than I was when I was visiting Vernon. Dreams are getting accomplished. I’ve just got to remember to follow through, focus and watch until all the pins fall down.
Sara Bynoe 