Last week I participated in the Vancouver Poetry Slam’s Haiku Death Match.

To prepare for the event I was supposed to write 26 haikus. Did I do that? Sure.

What I didn’t prepare was 26 awesome haikus. Yet, by some magic I made it to the final round battling head to head with Duncan Shields, the reining champion. I was shocked and baffled that I made it that far. For my second place win I received $20 and some Hello Kitty pens, which is more than I got from the Literary Death Match. It was a fun night and I hope I have the chance to do it again someday. Next time I’ll be more sure of myself and come with better arsenal.

Here’s a sampling of some of my ‘better’ haikus of the night:

I spent more time on / your facebook page than I did / lying in your bed.

Remember that night/ we stayed up past dawn talking?/ We shared the same voice.

Your love was magic / it took away my heartbreak / to make room for yours.

Counting on fingers/ a man writes a short poem/ smiling while he does.

Drinking coffee is/ a social event make sure/ you bring your laptop.

A night of bad sex: / he snorted some ecstasy. Don’t f*ck the DJ.

Hmmm maybe I would/ win this haiku death match if / I made a dick joke.

… and one I didn’t share but should have:

Top news in London/ Riots in the streets. Top news/ here: bear attacks man.

Haiku Haiku Death Match Hello Kitty poetry