There have been a lot of articles and blog posts lately about the terrible dating scene in Vancouver. Basically, what it comes down to is: women are bitchy snobs and men are lame/shy/ all the Alpha males moved to Calgary or Toronto.
I just saw this video on Facebook posted by Robert Dayton (a hilarious performer formerly from Vancouver, currently based in Toronto) and I thought perhaps it has some insights on the Vancouver dating scene. Maybe Vancouver is the middle school of Canada. Toronto is the powerful adult, Montreal is the raging hormonal teenager, and Vancouver is still in the awkward stages of puberty.
Here’s a tween girl’s dating advice.
In case you weren’t paying attention or didn’t bother to watch this adorable clip, I’ve summarized her notes.
1- Find a guy you like.
2 -Bathe/ shower/ wash your face.
3 -Wear makeup.
4 -Be friends with the guy you like or at least try to talk to him.
5- Be a little flirty with the guy you like, but not too much. Say cutsey things like “Haaaay” and wink.
6- Tell the guy that you like them.
7- If they haven’t asked you out yet ask a friend to ask if the guy likes you.
8- Ask for their number or give them your number.
9- Encourage them to ask you out because you don’t want the reputation to be the kind of girl who asks guys out.
She doesn’t mention what happens after they ask you out, but as I remember middle school, once a guy asks you out you’re pretty much going steady. So, there you go Vancouver; remember to shower, wear make-up and get your friends to ask a guy if he likes you. Let me know how it works out.
I got a guy in Vancouver.
Admittedly, I might have been tipsy and a little stoned when I asked him out, but it worked. “Hi, I’m Suzannah. Who are you? What’s that? You’re new to Vancouver. I could show you around. You just broke up with your girlfriend? Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Here’s my card.”
I skipped the finding out who he was or whether he liked me steps. But I had bathed and was, in fact, wearing makeup.
But, “Haayyyyy”, it worked. He put a ring on that, which is a way better ending to a story than that time in Grade 7 (which I guess is middle school) when the hot guy wrote me a love letter in my camp journal and asked me to meet him at the playground that Saturday.
My BFF at the time read it and said that she liked him and it wasn’t fair that I got to go go out with him. He could either date both of us or he’d have to choose.
She actually followed me to the rendezvous. On her bike. We were two tweens biking toward our destiny on 5-speeds. Tragic.
I couldn’t make her stop following me. I was pissed. (This time I’m not talking about booze.)
At any rate, the hot guy got all polite and awkward and we never went steady.
If I’d only followed the 9-step program above, he would have my number and would have called me. You can’t crash a phone call on a bicycle. I didn’t even have call-waiting, so no three-way for you, girlie.
20 years later, I’m glad to get that off my chest.
Thanks, Sara Bynoe.
Good story girlie. Thanks for sharing it. Come back to Vancouver, mmmkay?